These Are My Dreams

tyson and I were extremely attracted to this girl we saw in a skateboard video. she was an amazing skateboarder. it turned out tyson’s family knew her somehow, and so I went with tyson to one of his family’s gatherings, and saw her across a crowded room with her own family, in a dress, which I thought was strange but awesome. I knew I was going to talk to her. the dream ended.

i was at the bar mitzvah of my brother’s best friend’s younger brother (which will not happen for another two years, but so be it) and my best guy friend was getting really mad at me. i was crying, so i went to the bathroom and discovered that all of my teeth had fallen out.

i dreamt that my friend got bit by a giant centipede and instead of helping i spent the whole time she was in pain looking up differences between centipedes and millipedes

I woke up to the forces of the world pulling everything back to how things were in the past - but in present day. I was laying in bed holding my phone in my hand waiting for the phone call I usually get on weekday mornings. My phone vibrates; half-asleep, I answer the phone. “Hi baby”, I say. “Good morning baby” a voice replies. Instantaneously, I sit up shocked at the voice on the other end of the line - it wasn’t my boyfriend. It was my ex. Puzzled I look for photographs of my current boyfriend, but none could be found and all were replaced with pictures of my ex. “I’ll be over in a bit”, he says. I shuffle through my things looking for all the things my boyfriend has ever given me: sweaters, t-shirts, v-necks, socks, stuffed animals. I find all the items but the bracelets around my wrists. “Hello?” he says, “Hello baby are you still there? What are you doing?”. “I’m still here,” I reply. “What the hell is going on?” I think to myself. “I’m outside your door,” he says. I pace a little before answering the door. Taking a deep breath, I let him in.

He looked the same. Light brown eyes, side swept hair, fairly dark skin, skinny, and tall. It used to make my heart flutter to see him stand outside my door looking at me with that particular smirk on his face. Instead, my heart wrenched and twisted into feelings of uneasiness and bitterness. Where washe? Where was my real boyfriend? He threw his arms around me, holding me in that familiar way he always did. I let my arms dangle at my sides tears brimming the rims of my eyes because I had missed my real boyfriend and not this person holding onto me. I put his arms on my shoulder wanting to take a look at my face. Sheepishly, I walked into the bedroom to lay back down in bed. He followed along laying beside me. I gripped my phone and stared at my contacts. Why hadn’t he called me? I closed my eyes slipping back into sleep. I wake up with his arms around my arms talking to someone in the room; It was his best friend. I pretended to stay asleep eavesdropping on their conversation. “She’s been acting weird,” he says. “Really? How?” his best friend asks. “She won’t let go of her phone, like she’s waiting for a call. She doesn’t smile at me the way she used to. I think she still loves him”, he says. Loves him? So he knows he exists? He knows about him.

Intense feeling of longing started to cause pangs of pain in my chest. To call myself sad would have been an understatement. I wanted him to be sleeping next to me, not this particular person. I missed him and thought of how he looked like in hopes I hadn’t forgotten. His dark brown chinky eyes, short straight hair, his fairly dark skin, perfect body type of not too fat not too skinny, his pearly white teeth and that smile that made his eyes wrinkle at the sides. I clenched my phone. “Call me! Call me right now!” I demanded in my head. Hopeless, I decided to give in and go with what was going on. I opened my eyes. Boxes of Nerf Guns laid against the wall. “He would love that,” I thought to myself.

“You’re awake,” he says. “I’m awake”, I reply. “Do you want something to eat?” I ask. “Yeah,” he says. I walk past his best friend sitting against the wall assembling a gun. He looks at me skeptically, angry at what predictions he has about what is going on in my head. I smile, and walk away awkwardly. Am I really his girlfriend and not his? Am I cheating?!

I walk back in with a grilled cheese sandwich. My phone rings. My heart jumps as I rush to grab it. He grabs it and holds it in his hand, hurt at my reaction to the phone. “Are you happy?” he asks me. “What do you mean? With who?” I ask. “With me. With him.” He says. I bite my lip and look down at my clenched fists. “I forgot to check if I was happy either.” he says. I look up at him through the hair that has fallen in front of my eyes. “Are you happy with me?” I ask him. In my head I beg him to say no. He fights it. “No. Not really”, he says. “Then let us go. Let me go, please?” I ask. He tightens his grip around my phone, and drops his head. I place my hands on his cheeks to lift up his face “Let us be happy” I said and smiled the same warm smile he was familiar with. He forced a smile, got up, then handed me my phone. I walked him to the door, opening it to find him standing there. “Babe!” I yell. I run to him and squeeze him tightly. His arms perfectly wrap around my body and almost instantly his warmth surrounds me as I lay my head on his shoulder on my tippy toes. I don’t let go and I close my eyes. All the coldness has disappeared and I succumb to a comfort I had longed for. These arms were the arms I wanted to be in. I open my eyes to look at his face looking towards the door. I glance to see my ex taking a look at us, disappointed, then turning to walk down the stairs. I still don’t let go. The door shuts and I am completely at peace.

A really good friend of mine has a crush on this girl who is really ditzy and not very attractive; she has almost no redeeming qualities, but she thinks she’s an artist and manages to convince my friend of this. I go to a cocktail party where my friend, the girl, and another friend mine are; the friend who has a crush on the girl goes to hang out with and hit on her, while I hang out with the other friend. The girl eventually comes over to show us her latest art piece, which she calls her “magnum opus.” It’s a few crumpled sheets of white paper smashed together into a ball and dipped in glue. The friend I’m with and I argue that it’s not art, but my other friend defends the girl, saying that we just don’t get it, and walks away with her. The friend I’m with and I decide that we hate most people.

I had a dream the Jonas Brothers were in my suite at school.  I kept trying to meet them but my mom and other people wouldn’t let me yet one of my friends kept encouraging me to just go up to them.  I was trying to talk to them but apparently they got the memo that I couldn’t meet them, at least not at that time so they wouldn’t talk to me.  I was upset but understanding.  Then Joe left for a couple minutes and when he came back he was wearing a set of flannel pjs that had sock monkeys on them.  I realized that one of my roommates had the exact same pair of pjs.  I grabbed Joe and took him to Kendall’s room (the roommate) and when she saw him she screamed in laughter and ran into the corner where she wouldn’t stop laughing.  Then she grabbed her pair and put them on and we took pictures of them together.

there was a vampire that had killed my whole family, and it was searching all the houses on my street for me. I ran out the back door of my house and started hopping fences, going from backyard to backyard. then I realized that he was stalking me and messing with me, as I noticed more and more fences having been torn down. through one of the gaps in fences, I saw the way up a grassy hill. I ran up the hill and at the top there was this one tree, that was short, but had a wide, circular canopy that I hid underneath. I found Emily there, she was hiding too. we waited there a while, and realized that he was tearing apart the neighborhoods all around us just to draw us out. Emily said, “we could always sing the song of the gypsy tree…” “that’s supposed to really work?” I asked. she told me that when gypsies on the countryside were hiding from nazis, they would seek refuge under these trees and sing a tune that would ward away the nazis. apparently before the war it was sung to keep away supernatural predators. so we began to sing it, and it was the high-pitched tune you can hear in the background of Sam Cooke’s version of Summertime. as I sang the song I was terrified of our voices, and yet I felt safe.

Some people and I travel back in time to the early 1990s, where we meat Kurt Cobain. I try to be friends with him, but he’s kind of a snarky dick. All he does all day is have sex with Krist Novoselic. Eventually an angel comes down and tells me that Kurt is actually the second coming of Jesus Christ, and I have to help him save humanity somehow. I try to, and throughout this weird demonic thing twisted in a machine on wheels tries to stop me. Eventually I make it to a bathroom where a voice tells me how to help Kurt save humanity; I do what he says which kicks into gear a year-long process at the end of which, Kurt will ascend to heaven. I hang out with him for about a year, until finally he goes to heaven by committing suicide. The blast rockets the people I was with and I to the year 1954, where everybody is generally in a good mood because the Korean War has just ended and all the GIs and POWs are returning home. Kurt is there too, and I manage to spot him in a crowd because he’s whistling the theme song to the TV show M*A*S*H. The people I was with and I agree to keep a low profile until we can figure out how to get back to our own time, and Kurt agrees to help us, but one of the people I was with (who happens to be somebody I live with now who I really really hate and would do this kind of think) shares his technology with the people of 1954, inadvertently causing severe international tensions by boosting the United States’ place in the global arms race. Several years later, all nations are at war. Bombs constantly rain down on everybody. I burn my hand on the jet of a missile that I narrowly avoid by sidestepping. Kurt approaches me again, and the demonic creature from before shows up. Kurt tells me to ignore him, and that he used to be a zebra. I realize that it was a zebra killed and fused with the metal around it by an explosion in the current war and then revived by nuclear radiation. It looks demonic because it has mostly decomposed. It traveled through time to try to prevent me from helping Kurt, knowing that if I did I would inadvertently doom humanity.

mom and I had to stay with my friend Simon’s family. she and I were arguing constantly, almost violently. it was never civil, it was always just yelling, screaming, back and forth. sometimes it was when Simon’s family was right next to us having dinner. sometimes it was when everyone else was asleep. at one point I stopped yelling as she continued, and said quietly to myself as I turned my back, “I’ve got to get out of here so bad… so bad… so bad…”

I was going to a party at my friend Sam’s house with my sister and my younger brother. But we were dirty and sweaty and had to go home first to change. After spending ages trying to convince someone to give us a lift we walked a very long way home, with me giving my brother piggy backs along the way.

When we got home our mum said we were all going out to dinner to celebrate her coming back from South Africa. She said we would stay at the restaurant until midnight to annoy the waitors whom she disliked. We were desperate for showers but she banned us from having them. Annoyed that we couldn’t go to the party, we all stopped talking to her.

I was then in a field at a mass wedding. There were huge cakes and big hite marquees everywhere, with colourful bunting strung between them. Amongst the ceremonies my parents were renewing their vows and I was Victoria Beckhams bridesmaid.I realised all my make up had worn off so start to apply foundation until I realised it had made my face bright blue. I decided to leave it and rushed off to see my friends who were under one of the big white marquees. There was a guy there I didn’t know, he had big crows tattooed up his arms and I kept stroking them and asking where he had got them. A male friend of mine was there and I was sitting really close to him. He put his hand on my knee and I didn’t mind. At one point I leant forward and he kissed me on the mouth. All the others were looking at us but we laughed it off.

Then I was at a friends house in Hitchin. I was having a panic attack, my heart was pounding furiously and I felt like I was going to die. My vision swirled and I was lying on the floor, thrashing furiously. The boy who had kissed me earlier pulled out a syringe and injected water into the crook at my knee. I immediately calmed and felt better. I asked him how he’d known what to do and he said it was because he’d had diabetes for years. I knew this to be true. I was incredibly attracted to him. It worried and excited me.

We were all together hanging out. 
And I swear, it might have been from the time we share a bottle. But apparently there WAS something contagious in it (lmfao, like Casey said), and since we both drank from it, both of us were in danger of dying. But then we found out that only one of us had to die, so that the other would live.

It was just you and me. We were crying and holding each other, and you told me that you wanted to be the one to die so that I could live. I couldn’t let you make that choice, but you told me that there WAS no choice — you were going to be the one to die, and there was nothing I could do about it. 
“It’s not going to happen any other way,” you said. 
My first reaction was to slap you. But I didn’t. DX

It was the end of the school year, so I had to play the Baccalaureate Mass for the graduates — I can’t quite remember if it was our graduation or not. But at the same time, your birthday was coming up on that day. 
Only you and me and Chris knew about what was going to happen.

On the day it was supposed to happen, we went into the woods. It was just you and me again, and it was nighttime. We walked deep into it, where we could hardly see each other because it was so dark, and then we both laid down on the ground next to each other. We were talking, and I was crying, but you kept telling me that it was okay, that you would be fine. And I kept crying.

We laid on our backs and watched the stars.

And then at midnight, you told me that you were getting tired. I never stopped crying, and then I got up and leaned over you, and held both of your hands, locking our fingers together on each side of you. And then I watched you as you began to drift away, and I cried harder, but you told me with a smile not to cry and to live.

When it was done, I was a mess. It took me an hour to finally let go of you, and then I had no idea what to do next. But we had talked earlier and you had said to leave your body in the woods. You said that this forest we went to didn’t have any animals that would tear your body apart, so you just wanted to stay there on the ground in the middle of nature.

It took me another two hours to leave you there. I had to go to dinner like we had all planned, since it was the night before our graduation, but I had to keep my composure so that no one would find out and get the wrong idea — as if I would ever hurt you. I wanted to tell the entire table, but my parents were there, so I kept signaling all of them that I would tell them something important later, but I don’t think any of them got my message. They were just laughing and talking loudly like always, and I had to keep everything inside until later, which would be the appropriate time to let everyone know. I hated myself. But you told me that you would help me after you were gone, so I trusted you.

That night, I told my parents that I would need to see a psychiatrist. They looked at me strangely, and I just replied vaguely, “To help me get through some shit that is going on in my life right now.”

The next day was your birthday. The mass was going to be at St. Theresa, so I was walking down Pilgrim Avenue. I hadn’t told anyone what had happened yet last night — and only Chris knew beforehand. It was morning — my parents dropped me off early — and the mass wasn’t until the afternoon. I was alone until about noon, when the kids came out to play in the sun. I just kept walking around the block without thinking, in a daze.

And then my cellphone rang. I picked it up and heard a recording of some recording of the “happy birthday” song, some weird oldie version that was kind of funny — but then the person hung up and cut it off quickly. I checked my caller ID and saw that it was Chris. I called back, and when he picked up, I could hear him crying, and then I was crying, and he told me that he “fucking remembered” after I had picked up, that you were dead. He had planned a birthday wake-up call for you, but he dialed my number by accident since our names were after one another in his phone book, and my voice reminded him of the secret event that had happened the night before.

He hung up on me in anger, refusing to talk to me anymore. I got the feeling that maybe he regretted that I was the one who had lived. I collapsed on the sidewalk, just crying. I couldn’t believe you were gone.

When I started walking to the church, I saw Kyle on the corner who started shaking his finger at me. He told me that I had been expected to be at the church 15 minutes before the starting time, so that I could set up and I wouldn’t be late. Well, I was late anyway.

I was setting up on the organ for me when people started asking for you. I was panicking inside, trying to tell them to their faces that I didn’t know where you were and that you would be late in coming, while images of you lying on the forest floor were filling my head. Everyone I talked to smiled and walked away.

And then I worried about how my lie would hold up when you didn’t come tonight. Or tomorrow. Or the week later.

Before the mass started, a little girl came up to me and asked me if I was the organist. Then she said, “I think that your playing is really cool.”

During the homily, I looked over at the congregation and saw your mom, Ibrihim, an empty space they were saving for you, and Chris. I almost started crying again.

But then halfway through the mass… you walked in. I was dumbfounded. You were smiling at my shocked face and wearing a white dress, and took your empty seat among all your family and friends. Now I was smiling as the mass went on. It was so good to see you! Chris had the same shocked look on his face, and he pulled you into a hug for several minutes. He couldn’t move his arms once they were around you. He leaned into your neck and almost cried on the spot. But there were people here, so he couldn’t. He just held you for the rest of the hour.

When I finally played my last chord, the congregation began to leave. I ran up to you and hugged you, the biggest smile on my face.

“I’m not here to stay,” you told me. My smile instantly vanished. “Don’t worry about it!” you said. You played with my hair, which I curled for that day. “Eee, you look so pretty!” you complimented.

You kept smiling, so I thought everything would be alright. We walked outside, laughing and talking, and we all subtly watched as you and Chris walked ahead together, as always. He pulled you in for another hug and a long kiss. He was sooo happy to see you again, after he thought you were gone forever without even saying goodbye.

And then he pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket, and took a step back, away from you, never once breaking eye contact. He drew a line between you and the rest of the group, and he wasn’t smiling anymore.

What’s going on? I thought. I ran over to where you two were.

He then crouched down and drew a circle around your feet. You looked at us sadly, and I started crying again.

“What’s that for??” I asked, anxious all of a sudden. “It’s so that she can leave the way she came,” Chris said.

When the circle was complete on the ground, he stood up next to me. And then we watched you shoot up into the sky, a blur that I could hardly distinguish, and then you were gone.

i had a dream i was alive. finally! truly, absolutely alive.

I dreamt my boyfriend cheated on me. Except I wasn’t upset because it gave me an excuse to sleep with one of his best friends who I’m really attracted to. I woke up feeling awful.

I was at some museum and saw my ex. He approached me and acted all buddy-buddy like nothing had happened. I tried to be indifferent but didn’t tell him to go away as he followed me around and cracked jokes. Then he sensed my coldness and turned into Jim Halpert and said angrily, “You know, when my brother’s girlfriend broke up with him, he was just as depressed as you were when I broke up with you.” That really upset me.

Almost my entire class, me included, left to school to go to a bar. The bar was located in the place of the an actual stationery’s shop, just around the corner. We came in, and the interior of bar looked like a damn shower, full of pink walls creating small, open divisions. It also had psychedelic lights.

Suddenly, the executive counsel of my school storms in like FBI, because some kids without authorization to get out jumped over the palisade of the school. I now remember that we saw those kids escaping, though when we passed by the fence was still metallic like any other. It doesn’t matter, now I see clearly it was wooden. Teachers make us all pass our electronic cards through a checkpoint that appeared out of nowhere (or just was there, in the middle of a bar), to verify we’re authorized to leave school, and not the awful offenders. There’s a cacophony of beeps, and we finally are allowed to get out. We rush to get to school, to get away from the confusion. We do it by a subterraneous parking lot, full of shiny dark jeeps and cars.

It seems that the school playground is now made of dirt, like a castle enclosure. There are fires and torches here and there. The entire school is here obligatory to watch the offenders’ crucifixion. They already hanged two kids, when they call an old friend of mine to carry one of some windmill stones that were crucial, for no apparent reason, to the punishment process. She stops on the middle of the way, drops the stone and refuses to continue. Everybody else refuses to carry it, to fury of the head director. Some people start leaving as if they bought tickets to a specially lame and boring film.