These Are My Dreams

(Nobody had ever died in my dreams before this one. Not a single person.)

I find out he’s dead. The police are investigating me as a suspect, and I’m outraged… I could never hurt him. After being questioned, I walk the streets trying to figure out what might have happened. As I weave my way through the avenues, each streetlamp I pass turns off until the entire city is shrouded in darkness.

I’m standing outside where he used to live. A siren approaches from far away. Eventually they reach me and inform me that he took his own life.

I’m still haunted by his eyes.

I saw Leon, fit as ever, fitter so for this is a dream; his trim body in jeans a shirt…

Hey everybody,

So I feel really bad that I’m doing this, and feel free to hate me about it and everything, but I just want to let y’all know that I have a new Tumblr called 100 Mixtapes, where I try to make 100 different mixtapes for 100 different people (which will necessitate me eventually reaching out to people I don’t know—you could be one of them!). So if you want free music from me, check it out! I try to make every mix available for download. I’m not going to be one of those “please follow me and tell all your friends too, too!” but really though if you could that’d be fantastic.

Don’t worry, I’m not abandoning this site! I still need more submissions, though—click here to submit something!

When I was younger I used to have this recurring dream. There was a massive football match that the entire country was gearing up for, the government was placing high importance on it and everyone was focusing their attention on it. But our team lost. Everyone was extremely angry and the football team were tried by a court for disservices to their country. They were given a double sentence. Either they were to be executed by electric chair, or alternatively, they could attempt to climb across a sheer rock face on the cornish coast, without any ropes or equipment. The entire team chose the latter. I remember in vivid detail the attempted journeys across the rock, each in turn falling, smashing into the rock and being devoured by the giant great white sharks below. Each shark seemed to have thousands of teeth and the sea shined red with blood. Not one member of the team survived and I’ve had a phobia of sharks ever since.

I walk into a white room with high ceilings and hardwood floors. Surrounded by nothing, I’m confused as to why I’m there… an invisible hand begins writing messages on the walls, telling me of things to come and things that have passed. The hand writes, “and now, you wake.”

I had this dream about a month ago.

I’m in line at a store when a man in a black hoodie walks in, looking incredibly suspicious.  Yet nobody does anything.  He gives a dirty look to the cashier telling ehr to hand over the money.  I’m standing next to the robber and he hands me a disposable camera to take a photo of the expression on the cashier’s face as she handed him the money.  I take the camera but take a photo of him instead so it’d be easier to identify him later.  Knowing he’d want to hurt me, I tossed teh camera to the guy next to me in line while I’m, for some reason, falling backwards onto the floor.  The robber shoots in my direction as I fall and says he’ll hurt two more people.

Next, I’m on the floor and I see a girl running around not realizing she’d been shot. There aren’t many people around.  But the people who are seem quite calm.  A guy I know was sitting at a table close to me.  I ask if I’m bleeding, not sure if I’d actually been shot.  The guy responds “you look stunning”, as if that was supposed to actaully answer the question.  I join him at the table and he holds me while we wait for the police to come.

Then, for some reason, we had to run away.  People were trying to catch us.  While still holding one another, we run towards the forest.  The forest was supposed to be so dark that they would never be able to find us once we got in.  We’re now suddenly dressed in red and the people catching us are in blue.  The guy closest to us calls after us “Ill get you LARD!”  He almost catches us but we get in teh forest just in time.  I can see my friend but the blue guy can’t see us.  After many more blue men pass us, the first guy dies somehow and his shoes are left behind but they’re red, not blue.  Whatever that means.  I’m then dead too somehow and am seeing everything that’s going on.

My friend becomes a black bear after hiding out in the forest for so long.  Hehas a family with a son and a daughter.  They decide to finally leave the forest and move to an area of snowy mounting in China or something.  I then start to see everything from the son’s perspective.

I wander the mountains where I see a bunch of people with their families.  I hear above me the voice of a documentary narrator saying something about a lot more being done with the mountains if only we ha dmore money.  I rejoin my family when we decide it’s not safe since there are still so many people around.

Suddenly, I become a young boy in an apartment where another family also lives, I think.  I give someone of the other family a card or drawing or something.  My dad comes in telling me I shouldn’t do that because we don’t want to elave any traces of us ever being there.  My dad at this appears to be Don Cheadle.

My regular art class was being held in a house. The walls of the house were covered with scrawling messages from people that had been through… We were told to choose a message we identified with or understood. Pacing around the room, I recognized the handwriting of a person I’ve loved for a long time, and leaned in closer to see what it said… “I love you too.”

And then, a giant dinosaur crashed through the building.

“You’re pronouncing it incorrectly,” they said, grinning at me in a kind way, but one that made me uneasy. “The emphasis is on the ‘U’.”

I knew this to be ridiculous. I’d always heard the word ‘pendulum’ pronounced “PEN-dyoo-lum” and never as these two crones described. They hunched over in dirty vinyl lawnchairs outside of a cart laden with shining, tinkling, fluttering things that (if one had to pick a single, encompassing word) could only be described as “trinkets.”

One had wild red hair that seemed to be past the point of washing, and the other wore a peppery-grey updo that had clearly been slept on and ignored for an unfathomably long time. Their clothes were a jazzy compilation of colors and patterns, fading and feathering in delicious dissonance. Their faces were pale leather and their eyes were only dark holes. The sockets did not make me as uneasy as their smiles, sweet and good-natured in the folds of their faces. They were more wise than I would ever be.

I fidgeted, not wanting to continue the argument but unable to shake the need I felt for the object after which I inquired.

The Red one reached in her pocket and pulled out a porcelain ball muttering something about wanting to get a closer look at me. She popped the ball in an empty socket and stared, lidless and artificially in my direction. Her mouth twisted up so that her lips disappeared in the grimace until finally - “Aaaaaaah,” she breathed slowly.

She smiled again.

The eye popped out and she handed it to the Pepper companion.
“Have a look-ee,” she said in a low voice.
Pepper poked the eye in, twisting it and making adjustments until she could “see” me.
“Hmph.” Was her only reply before she pulled the eye back out with an sickening ‘pop.’

She turned back to the cart, pulling out a drawer full of little boxes of different colored paper. Feeling about in the drawer, her fingers closed around a tiny green one. Red’s laugh burst the silence and she clapped her hands three times. “Perfect!”

Pepper gave what would have been a side glance at Red had they possessed eyes and turned to me.

“You asked for a pendulum,” she mocked my pronunciation. “But we know you need more than that…so consider the other things as gifts. You have a very long way to go.”

Green box in hand and a few dollars short in my wallet, I left the cart and the women at my back. I don’t know what else was in the box, but the pale orange pendulum was warm in my hand.

A while back I had a very lucid dream of a spider, huge, scurrying across my wall then behind my dresser..

Later on, about a week ago, I had “woken up” still in my dream state.. I was batting away a giant spider from my face, it was as if it was crawling up onto my bed near my face. I literally tossed my sheets and flailed my arms to get it away. Still, it makes me wonder.. was it even a dream?

I dreamt that our teacher handed back our midterms by lining us up and making us tell everyone how much we studied, and would slap us every time we lied. When he gave me my scantron, I found I had gotten almost every single one of them wrong, because I had filled it out sloppily and the machine considered it wrong.

When I woke up I drank some orange juice and felt the citrus sting the scabs on my lips where I had nearly chewed them through during that test.

My friend Chris was having a party and I decided to go to his house early to help set up. When I arrived a few people were already there. It was early and we all wanted to smoke some weed, so we started passing a joint around in Chris’ room. It was getting late but we were too lazy to get up so we turned on the TV. Meanwhile Chris’ parents came in, smelled the weed and were disappointed. I hadn’t seen them yet so I tried to alleviate the situation by giving his mom a hug. It somehow worked and they left us, but they still weren’t happy. On the TV CNN was playing, and there was some sort of weird documentary about Scott Brown. Except Scott Brown kept turning into Glenn Beck. Eventually I only saw Glenn Beck even though they were talking about Scott Brown. In the documentary they went to Glenn Beck/Scott Brown’s home and he took us on a tour. He had a few very large fields with some heavy machinery. The fields were dotted with small holes. As Glenn Beck led us around the fields we heard a strange moaning noise. He jumped into some mechanized suit and stomped on the hole where the moaning was coming from and then covered it up with some dirt. Soon I noticed that little domes started protruding from the fields and moaning. I got terrified and started running convinced that Glenn Beck is growing an army of aliens in his back yard while being able to take control of Scott Browns body.

I’m standing in a parking lot. It’s deserted. The sun is just beginning to sink below the horizon. Thunder sounds, and a rush of warm wind brings pouring rain. I run in it, laughing and twirling as if it hasn’t rained in years. Suddenly, I stop and turn. He is standing there, underneath my favorite tree. A smile graces his lips and he saunters forward towards me. He takes my hand, pulls me close and kisses me. Everything goes black.

Last night I dreamed of Ecuador.  The hills blanketed with forest that I once ran were now lined with broken down automobiles.  The road which I found myself getting lost on now had bright green signs telling me exactly where I was.  I started running, and an Amazonian insect jumped onto my tailbone and started sucking the energy out of me.  Then I woke up. Of course, she was also there, and of course, I learned from her presence, or lack thereof.

I was in a dust storm trying to walk to my house uphill. It was pushing me back and  struggled each step I took. I was holding my hand across my face to protect my eyes but it was no match for the strong winds. There was something in my head that said I HAD to get there. Like there was something waiting for me, or someone.

I had a dream that John Carroll Lynch somehow trapped me, my dad, and Tina Fey in a cubicle. He pulled out his pistol and started shooting everywhere. He kept missing us, but with his final bullet, he shot me in the neck. I said, “Dad, if I die and you survive this, please, please, please burn my diary before anyone reads it.”